walking in a circle

I had a crush with this girl namely Chalot during my youth. That’s not her real name, though. So not many could actually recall her. That’s good enough because I intend to write lots about her. I had my other blog finished with a past time story when she suddenly came into mind.

To start with, she was the only crush I had during my youth. I met her on a fine sunday morning during sunday prayer in Saint Francis Xavier.. not at the Petaling Jaya one but in Keningau. She was not the kind of girll that I would stare and leave, but she’s one of the people who can charmed anyone with that beautiful smile. It is like a curse for a smile , you know. Lol. So, it happened that I got charmed by it and marked the beginning of an eleven years’ tale of waiting. Hah!

I was just 13 years old at that time and so did her. It’s just that she was promoted to 3rd grade during school which differentiate us from the beginning. So it got pretty messy that I was in love with a senior in a different school, she was schooling in Gunsanad and I’m in SFX. I had my plans to get her to fall in love with me and that was the funniest thing I ever did for a girl.

I would go and asked my cousins who were schooling the same school of the things she like to do and all, you know, just to get to know the type of person she was. I would go to the public library like everyday in hopes to bump on her and acting like nothing was on planned. Lol. Seriously, I was so into her but she was not really pleased with my efforts. So, things got dragged from weeks into months and lasted for years until she finished school but I was still undergo study for my SPM.

The hardest part was that she never gave me her contact number even though that she did have one. Apart from that, I seldom had the chance to meet her from that point on. Imagine how hard was that for a crusher filled with that love craziness. But then like always, I had my back up plans. She has a younger sister, though. Thus, that younger sister would be my eyes and ears for about a year or so. I would go to the church every Sunday just to meet her but keep in mind, I was still didn’t manage to steal her heart. Darn.

It came to a point that when I finished my 5th grade, my aunt wanted me to further my study here in KK and I was like…ohhh, damn. We got separated again. By the time, I still didn’t manage to get her contact number. Thinking it back now, duhh how stupid I was.

Not yet finished with my English course, I was promoted to go for matriculation and so I did. It took me 2 years to finished it all. There was a time when I got totally stressed with my study and I went back to Keningau for a family occasion, I met with her younger sister who by then worked at a photo shop. So we talked about stuff and I asked about her elder sister. ohh shit, she already had a special boyfriend!!! My heart crushed into pieces. Lol.

Later on I met her and at last, I got her mobile number and started there onwards, I would called her during the evening and talked and talked and talked. She told me that she was going to Sandakan for a nursing course. So I intendedly asked her what becomes her with the boyfriend, and she said that they had already broke up months before and suddenly I felt the heaven breeze blown into me.. yesss. Lol. So, I wrote her a 10 pages letter filled with my love hints and gave her a day before she went off to Sandakan. Funny it may be, but I really did that stuff ahaha.

I went to UPM a month after that so the distance was like … extremely awayyyyyyyyy, only GOD knows. We kept in contact either by phone calls or more romantically, letters. I would wrote her hundred of pages of letters and she would reply me the same thing. It was a wonderful thing we did. I took 3 and a half years in UPM and at the end of my 2nd year I took my Industrial Training and guess what, I went to Sandakan Forest Centre, miles away from Keningau or KK just to be near her for 2 months. Still, I didn’t manage to steal her heart. Stupid, I was.

I stayed in Sepilok Forest Centre Resthouse located 14 miles from the town and I can’t really remember how many kilometers away from the main road. I had this 1 experience whereby I need to walk down the road from the main road to the resthouse because there was no more bus was heading to the place I stay, and it was dark and I was alone walking in the middle of the Sepilok main road. Just imagine that I started to walk from the main junction at 6pm and safely arrived at my room at about 8pm. I don’t want to talk much of that experience, enough with the saying. That’s was one of the sacrifices I did just to meet her that day ahaha.

We went to the Sunday prayer together in St. Anne, even though there was a nearby church at my place. Always. Hah. 2 months had passed by and I went back to UPM to know that she already had a boyfriend and I was like .. die leh. I told her that I will still keep on waiting and told that boyfriend of hers to look after her or else….. hehehe. He kinda scared when I said that. She and I became best friends and sometimes, she would asked me whether I was still giving hopes for her and I would replied yes. She would laughed and so did I.

Years went by and she told me that they were getting engaged. My heart broke but that’s the will of nature, I can’t disagree much. So I gave up on her and that marked the end of that 11 years of failure. 11 years for God sake, man, I was really slow to make things happen. So I stopped chasing her and all, begin writing new stories and end up here right now.

What disappoints me is that she didn’t ended a happy ending, though. I got a chance to SMS her younger sister last few weeks and she told me that her elder sister was not like she used to be and I asked why? She told me that her elder got married and had a child. It’s good for me but why does she not happy? …. the truth is, she was actually pregnant before she got married with the dude, and I don’t think the guy she was intendedly with. Something like .. shit happened, you know.

Damn.